My name is Carmen

I have accepted the fact that the love of my mother will never arrive. It brings me peace instead of agony, to know that I am ok, that I will be ok and that I am no longer a little girl in need of nurture, tenderness, or caressing. I am ok... I will be ok. I have decided to stop seeking motherly love and acceptance, I no longer hold strangers accountable for her dues or neglect. I am ok... I will be ok. On the other hand, I cherish my blessings: the love of my children, the wonderful company of my sweet husband, my soon to be grandchild and the strength of my son. The joy it brings me to see him thrive in life, reach for his dreams unafraid or sometimes afraid but with the courage and hunger to try still. I find inspiration in my first born. Things that have worked for me in combating MDD, GAD, and PTSD: Naps; napping whenever and wherever I need it without blaming or judging myself. In the beginning I felt sleepy all the time, it was as if I had spent half a century without sleep....

 My grass needs mowing, its almost four feet tall. I had no idea three days of Georgia rain could sprout a tiny version of the Amazon in my own back yard and I am embarrassed to say I don't know how to use a weed wacker, I used one a long time ago but I forgot all about it. People here have quoted me anywhere between 180 and 750 to cut it. Yard clean up they call it, I guess it depends on who you want cutting your grass...  Yesterday I visited my 84 year old neighbor. It was both draining and hard because I felt like crying the whole time I was there as I listened to her talk about how much she has loved living her life and how many accomplishments she accumulated over the years. She is so full of life... Sertraline? Oh yes! I almost forgot. It's been working; I take it at night and it knocks me out within thirty minutes, no nightmares, no anxiety just peaceful sleep. However, on days when I don't get enough sleep my brain is a wholesome fog. It's like the Andes up ther...