On acceptance and other blessings

I have accepted the fact that the love of my mother will never arrive. It brings me peace instead of agony, to know that I am ok, that I will be ok and that I am no longer a little girl in need of nurture, tenderness, or caressing. I am ok... I will be ok.

I have decided to stop seeking motherly love and acceptance, I no longer hold strangers accountable for her dues or neglect. I am ok... I will be ok.

On the other hand, I cherish my blessings: the love of my children, the wonderful company of my sweet husband, my soon to be grandchild and the strength of my son. The joy it brings me to see him thrive in life, reach for his dreams unafraid or sometimes afraid but with the courage and hunger to try still.

I find inspiration in my first born.

Things that have worked for me in combating MDD, GAD, and PTSD: Naps; napping whenever and wherever I need it without blaming or judging myself. In the beginning I felt sleepy all the time, it was as if I had spent half a century without sleep. 

Medications, or finding the right meds rather, has helped tremendously. Having a psychiatrist that actually listens helps too.

Gardening keeps me occupied and entertained enough to quiet the demons... I made a lot of sales without wanting too so the extra cash in my pocket gave me a sense of purpose: These plants need me!

Lastly, group therapy: this is my safe space, this is were all the maladjusted individuals share a good laugh and a few tears. I listen to others and I relate, I feel compassion for those that are suffering, and in turn, I can treat myself with compassion without feeling lame or pitiful. Because, at the end of the day, we all need a little kindness, a pat on the back, an "it's ok, you're ok, you will be ok"

Jules