On random thoughts and Sertraline

 My grass needs mowing, its almost four feet tall. I had no idea three days of Georgia rain could sprout a tiny version of the Amazon in my own back yard and I am embarrassed to say I don't know how to use a weed wacker, I used one a long time ago but I forgot all about it.

People here have quoted me anywhere between 180 and 750 to cut it. Yard clean up they call it, I guess it depends on who you want cutting your grass... 

Yesterday I visited my 84 year old neighbor. It was both draining and hard because I felt like crying the whole time I was there as I listened to her talk about how much she has loved living her life and how many accomplishments she accumulated over the years. She is so full of life...

Sertraline? Oh yes! I almost forgot. It's been working; I take it at night and it knocks me out within thirty minutes, no nightmares, no anxiety just peaceful sleep. However, on days when I don't get enough sleep my brain is a wholesome fog. It's like the Andes up there, zero visibility and no sense of direction. It's pretty funky.

I still got no friends, but at least now I can leave the house. I no longer feel like Armageddon will begin if I get in the car, the panic no longer embraces me to the asphyxiation point. I know where I'm going and I know how to get there.

My psychiatrist remembered my name. That was probably the first time someone with a college degree doesn't treat me like a wild horse... she listens, she types away as I talk but she pauses, looks at me, says something and continues to type. She remembers shit and I am thankful for her, I can't hate on the VA because, as flawed as their system is some of us are actually getting help.